8/27/2024

back at college as of this week~~~~ so site updates are probably going to slow down for a bit. ...not that they hadn't already but like. I was hoping to wrap some things up before now that I am just going to have to put on hold instead I think. I'm also trying to sit down and really grind out some things so I can potentially table at my school's winter art fair, and I need to start looking for jobs in the area soon, so... these things are really going to start eating up my time. so be it so be it...

in other news I started learning php a little the other day. I realized that I'm probably going to need some php or something in order to get my now off-site project to work in some of the ways I was hoping to, which is an interesting realization. I'm not fully sure I'm right about it, considering I know some people (like Dimden) have still achieved comparable effects to some of the things I was thinking about doing on their neocities sites, but I also... don't think I can be held to the same standards as Dimden, and moreover have no idea how they did that. so. we'll see! my struggles continue. it'll be fine on static webhosting for a while anyway, since I don't even have anything of substance done on that side of things yet lol. something to worry about in the future

also i ordered 20cm Shen Qingqiu to keep 20cm Binghe company. very excited about this.

8/16/2024

haven't had the resources (time + energy mostly) to work on this site much lately sighhsss... going to be busy for a bit now too. oh well. I started an essay for my shrine the other day so there's that at least. i don't have code to put it in yet but shhhhh ignore that....

8/9/2024

hiii been a bit. been super tired again lately + also super anxious ~~~~ wahoo. Binghe arrived tho!! so that's nice!!!

i don't have a ton i want to talk about since most things in my life have been stressing me out lol... honestly I'm sure I'll feel normal enough about it in a few hours tho. I just wake up almost every morning and have to fight off a few hours of crazy anxiety before I can get on with my life, and we're still battling that a little bit. just didn't know what else to do to work some of it off today. I've been trying to figure out if I do experience like near-daily morning anxiety attacks? but I'm not sure! if I was hyperventilating it would be so much easier to know, but mostly it's just intense anxiety and chest tightness, which is fairly inconclusive! either way I'm soooo not a fan lol. this is a new thing over the past 2 years and I would loveeee if it could hurry up and stop being a thing...

i haven't been working on my silly site project at all lately but I've been having a lot of fun working on music. I finished a five minute song, except i kind of hate it, so I think it'll be staying in my drafts forever, actually. but I'm working on a new one and really liking how it's turning out so far. i have a lot still to do on it tbh but like. I'm rlly proud of it so far...

in other news i go back to school in 2 weeks. many things about this stress me out, and many things about this excite me. so. business as usual.

7/13/2024

felt like shit yesterday so I torrented style savvy trendsetters and started playing it on my laptop (i have a 3DS I could play it on also but i did not feel like getting it out lmaooo). ...all I've done today is play style savvy. I need to get back to my actual obligations tomorrow but. it has been fun

in other news i once again cannot tell if I am falling into another depressive episode or if I'm literally just not getting enough sleep. I'm literally never getting enough sleep so it's a constant 50/50 ..

anyway tho BINGHE IS SHIPPING!!! last I checked he was in the international airport in China but. soooo excited about that... he'll be here so so so soooooon...

i need to get back to artfight soon now. decided I'd take a break after hitting my last planned attack but I've still only done four and there are a lot more rlly cool OCs out there to be drawn.... I also need to do some work on my personal art projects tho. or I guess they're professional...? idk i need to draw more prints and make a zine and shit to sell. ....and to finish cleaning my room again. It fell into disarray while I was away + then got worse + I just haven't had the energy to finish fixing it...... sighs. I suppose I might as well put my site project on an official hiatus for the time being so I can finish some of these. I soo don't want to drop it tho it's been turning out so well. but I had to put it down around artfight's beginning anyway to focus on that haha ... might be time to get back to good ol' "one thing at a time (or two things, tops)" for me.

7/8/2024

I return...! tired as shit today lol but doing some artfight drawings. artfight has been forcing me to realize that a) i do so few full illustrations of my own OCs these days? and b) ...i really Could do way more. in my head the reason I didn't do full scale illustrations for myself very much was just because they were pretty time consuming but like...... they're super not tho. full Traditional illustrations can be time consuming but I am literally also a digital artist.... more OC art is well within my grasp..... very motivating realization. maybe I Will make that zine this summer.

7/5/2024

going 2 the beach w some of my friends today ~~~ going to be away till Monday so I think this'll be my first true break from the site since i started coding it like a month ago haha. even if I got the chance to I do NOT feel like battling neocities on my phone + I'm not gonna be bringing my laptop so. I'll see u all in a few~~~~~ ciaooooo~~~

7/3/2024

i think they should simply make life fair. for us.

...'life isn't fair' is like a stupid little mantra of suffering. and it doesn't have to be true. but what am i supposed to do about it? i am so so small and i feel it every day. we could work together to achieve some simulcrum of fairness, but the truth of it is that none of us really want it to be fair. you want to take more and give less, and someone else wants the inverse. + they never want to switch roles. its a perpetually unhealthy system. i am so sick of it. but i don't know how to stop enabling it anyway.

anyway i should put download links to my svsss fic recs on here. never say i don't do anything for my site viewers and/or web archival

7/2/2024

i am so sleepyyyy... i was half asleep for like an hour after i woke up + even ended up falling back to sleep for another hour but i'm still like. 1/4th asleep. got a shift in a little under an hour. working while 1/4th asleep... sounds like a bad time. but i'll do my best. i am Not kind of out of it dissociated Or sleepy as fuck. comment claim to affirm

in other news, the SVSSS shrine css refuses to properly update, because it hates me. ...genuinely it's just refusing to reflect my changes. I had to bully it this morning to get it to acknowledge some of what I tweaked last night, but it's still pretending it doesn't understand what I want it to do. there is absolutely no reason for it to be doing this. one can only conclude that this is css's punishment to me for getting too cocky

hours later update: css chose peace FINALLY . kissy face emoji (yes i am fr too lazy to get the actual emoji.)

anyway. unrelated + i can't get into it rn but. as always, there is something undeniably, and perhaps even irreparably, wrong with me. more at 6